Love and other drugs you should avoid

Love..........
What does it mean? In modern times it seems to mean anything from describing your thoughts on the person you met at the bar a couple of hours before and had a bit of a laugh with which caused you to consume far to much alcohol. I'm going to jump in and say this is NOT the meaning I will ever place on this beyond important word.

Is love a feeling? Is is it simply an unexplained emotion that differs for every single creature? I feel it's important to specify creature because you would have to be beyond naive to think its limited to the human race.

What does love mean to me?
To me love is a state of being that combines emotions, well being and your heart beat. To me love is that feeling you get when you are just happy the other person exists and is in your life. Does this mean that if the person is there no more you love them any less? Of course not because then you can still love the entity and being that the other party has become. Does someone you love mean they make your life a better place to be? No. Does someone you love aim to make you happier? Alas also no.

In my head there is only one rule to do with love. Tell the person. I've fucked this up a few times and clearly haven't learnt. ALWAYS. TELL. THE. PERSON!!!! If it's not reciprocated then granted it isn't always easy but you have done the right thing and let the other person know. Don't fuck about. Just do it!! I'm going to kick myself for the rest of my life about it. You'll never know unless you put it out there.

Fx














I don'think anybody will understand the inclusion of this video. It's from a night sat up watching the worst films we could find with two bottles of pimms and some bottles of wine.

That M

I don't really know what to say in this one.

Someone who held a VERY special place in my heart for the last 19 years or so died yesterday in her sleep. There would be no better way to go.

I have known people die in my family and also people I have known in the circle of my friends but with this one a piece of my heart has died with it. My biggest regret is not telling her how much I adored her before she passed away. I haven't cried over death before properly but with this I find my tears every time I stop keeping myself busy and think of her.

Love forever and always to you. My heart aches.

Always tell the one you love how you feel. ALWAYS.

This is one of those people I genuinely think I would give anything to have one more time with them but all the times I remember were really happy and had loads of laughing.

One of the most incredible people ever to walk this earth and a massive loss and step back to man kind.

I will honestly miss you.

F

Family........... The secret truth!!

Family.......... Can't really live with them. Can't get away with shooting them in order to claim on the life insurance........

It means something different in connection to every single person on the planet. Some people are fucking idiots and use the word "fam" and in my opinion those are the people should probably be chemically castrated.

For me what does it mean? To me family is anyone who has a permanent place in my heart and those people that in their own way look out for me This does of course mean that if I ever have a heart transplant most if them are screwed as half the reason for them being regarded as family dies off. In my instance I can say that I have 5 members of true bloody family and a few that are family in my heart without blood. Both have their merits and downfalls. Only one in my list was brought in by other means but all the same that person is brilliant and has a very well deserved place in my family.


This is a work in progress............ Keep watching!!

Those people in the street.......

Come on. You know the ones. You're walking down your local shopping street and all of a sudden some grubby and yet spotless urchin jumps out at you and insists on talking to you about the blight of the three legged lesser spotted badger from the Philippines. Both you know and I know that regardless of what bollocks they are about to spout connected to it's babies that are born with mange so bad they have to shit out of their left ear. It's nonsense because the ultimate plan is to get your bank details!!!! There is only one style worse than this and that's the ones that knock on your door. I've been off work today and my door bell went. I answered and someone said we want to speak to you about animals. "Do you like animals sir". The first mistake was asking such a fucking stupid question designed to do nothing more than trap me into a path of expanding conversation and the second was calling me "sir". Don't do that. It will just make me think that you view yourself as lower than me on the food chain of life. I said yes I do but I am not in a position to give them my money at the moment. The person who rang on my buzzer at this point played what can only be described as the worlds greatest checkmate. He came back instantly and said we aren't here for that today we are here to give away free dogs. I shit you not, for a split second my brain went into full I WANT A CUTE PUPPY mode and then came back to reality. I brilliant reply to someone who was clearly not expecting it!!

Well done if you got through that house brick of text!!

The other week I was walking down the road and I made the fatal mistake of making eye contact with someone. They turned round and looked at me. There was a group of three of them. They were of Asian ethnicity and I thought as they walked towards me that they were after directions to somewhere. I was happy to give them these directions. They asked if they could speak to me and a little alarm went off in my head along with the words holy fuck please no. They asked if they could speak to me about the bible. Now then, this is a subject I love albeit not believing in any part of the bible, you know, because it is a book written by man for men, a lot like the book written by L. Ron Hubbard. If you don't know who he is then google it..... I told them I wouldn't be the best person to speak to as I am not religious, they said they only wanted to speak to me as they were from Korea and it was a language exercise for them and that was all. I went along with it and they were reading from a folder and speaking about why there was a father a son bu no mother god and that it mirrored a normal family home in all other aspects apart from the lack of a mother, Anyone who knows me can probably guess that this is normally all I need to fire off on a rant about modern life and religion and how the view changes depending on which version of Aesop's fables you actually read. The long and the short of it was after showing me the famous painting of all those people having a meal with Jebus and his wife next to him they asked if I knew the painting, I said yes and then they asked me if I believed in the possibility of there being a mother god........ I gave them a bit of a blank look and reminded them that it wouldn't be a fair answer as I don't believe in god. They said thank you and good bye.....
One of the main things going through my head was north or south I MUST KNOW!!!!!

My normal methods of deflection when someone asks if they can speak to me in the street are either to just stand there and stare at them without blinking until they walk off (this works a treat!!) or simply say I'm sorry I can't speak to you I died last night. Both of these are brilliant and topped only by when I was walking through central Berlin and got approached, they couldn't walk away fast enough when I spoke in English!!!!

Despite all this being said I do understand that people are doing it as a job and from time ti time they actually care about the cause but it's the ones who just won't fuck off that have caused this venom for the rest off them.

The long and short of it is everyone has to do a job. DON'T DO A SHIT JOB!!

Fx

Periscope and the the eternal boring questions

Now then!!!

Periscope in my opinion is brilliant. You can find anything that interests you be it people walking round a farm to Americans doing yoga to children on their lunch break to Americans walking round a farm to children doing yoga to other people on their lunch break. It's a glorious world we live in!!

When I am sat at home I will often have a look on periscope and view in wonder at how utterly dull most of the things on there are. Most of the stuff really is an advert for all the most stupid people on this planet. It seems to mainly these days be people of various races demonstrating their inability to use the English language and if it isn't that then it is some fucktard talking about how stoned they are and sometimes if you are lucky you get to watch the little shit smoking what I believe the cool kids call a "blunt" The blunt thing confuses me because I have not once seen anyone with a good old HB pencil in their mouth. What the fuck are these idiots on about?

It is sad that in this day and age the grooming is as open as it is on periscope. Whenever you watch a scope that is being hosted by a female then you can always bank on a couple of times a minute someone will come in and ask "Bae" how old she is. First of all I was totally unaware that a cool name to call your child these days is "Bae" and how great are the guessing skills of these dickheads that they manage to guess correctly?

Despite the fact that you have no doubt read what I have written before this please don't get get the impression that I don't like Periscope. I do. I fucking love it!! I use it to sit at home and mess around with my guitars and then speak to people as I'm doing it but it does seem to be very heavily frequented by some inbred fuckknuckles that are clearly very sexually frustrated or bad people in hiding. I do wonder if these idiots know how easy it is to track them through Periscope. All you need to do is follow them and the second they pop up it shows you where they are. There is a little more to it than that but I have displayed before how easy it is to find someone from Periscope if you scope and don't do your settings properly. I'm happy for everybody to be on that place but most of the people really do need some sort of filter in which if they are about to do or say something that would have them put forwards for scientific experiments it flashes up on their screens and the computer or mobile device screams "FUCKING IDIOT" at you before you do it. That's my idea that is and it's going to make me a millionaire.

Anyway enough of this arrogant nonsense

Fx

You're an individual just like everyone else

It's Sunday. I'm sat on my sofa. I smell and I need a shower! I've been thinking for a while that I wanted the spark to write a new blog because I know all your lives depend of the sort of bullshit nonsense that I so love writing. Each one needs a smoldering ember from something I have thought or heard. Todays blog has been inspired by someone that I adore. He's currently on my TV screen and being streamed from the flix that is on the net. I am of course talking about Amazon TV.... If that's the streaming service that you came to the conclusion that I am watching then you sir or madam are a complete fucking idiot! I suggest you go and watch the brilliance of George W Bush Jnr greatest speeches and ponder to yourself why he never managed to become President of the United States of Angola just like his mum was.

 I degress......

 Stephen Fry! Just a brilliant man. I'm watching the public broadcast of his book launch that he did in 2014. He has spoken about the fact that EVERYONE is related to everyone else in some distant way. No matter how much you might dislike anyone else from another part of the planet that has managed to stick out of the water that covers our chunk of gravel.

 We all have really different things that get our blood racing. We all have things that we get out of bed for. We are all the same thing. We are all the same breed. We are ALL descended from the same very small group of people. We all come from the same couple of thousand people. We are currently, in the UK, going through a bit of a transition from a country that likes to speak to others about things that everyone else fucking hates and gets irritated by (I'm starting to think I am the human version of my country). We have or should I say had opened the door to peoples ability to scream some vile things. Those people can go fuck themselves and I feel should be housed on the Titanic in it's current position.

 Whatever makes you you is what you must behold as your brilliance. For me it's simple things. It's, and this will be no surprise, guitars although of late this has been softening of late. I haven't bought a new guitar for over seven months. This is the first time this has happened since I have shown a real interest in them.

 Those of you that actually know me, those of you who have been allowed to know the heart and soul that beats inside this really fucked up embodiment of crap, you will know the addictions and hooks that I will speak of. I won't be broadcasting what they are because if you don't know then you haven't given me any reason at all to tell you. I will often be sat at home and often at work and think to myself "I want to give in and do that bad habit. That's what I really want to do when I get home. That's what I really want to do right now, I want to walk out of work and do that now!" The pangs are still there and the heart racing is still there. The anxiety connected to it all and wanting to do it all is still there. The willingness to hand over the money and be happy about it is no longer there. The care for it is no longer really there but yet the body still wants it despite the heart and soul not really caring about it anymore. I won't lie to myself and say it wont happen again. I'm not that stupid. I would put a lot of money on the fact that it WILL happen again but it's a fucking rarity these days. It was over taken by my addiction to buying guitars. It's a better investment and give a lot more pleasure for the money. These days when I come home I am more likely to want a drink in order to calm the choppy mental waters. This is not a great place to be but is a shit load easier to ignore than anything else. I have spent many hours on the guitar guitar website hovering over the finance button on the 2016 limited edition Gibson Voodoo Les Paul. I want it and it's cheap. It's only £1,100. Despite my MANY MANY flaws I am still, no matter what people say and not meant in an arrogant way, fucking amazing! I am still one of the kindest people you will ever meet even if my current stress release is to have a drink and even if my other one is an addiction that still plagues me and is a fight to not give in to everyday.

 The long and the short of this is simply that we are all different but we all come from the same place. even if you are the sort of person who enjoys anything to do with Justin Bieber or one direction or if you are the sort of normal person who longs for the return of just seventeen because there was very little as funny when you were younger than reading the problem pages and the letters people used to write. If you're sexual orientation or for people of the same sex or for your neighbors dog or cat or even if you like nothing more than to spend the weekend cottaging with your uncle Dilbert, we are all the same. We are all nothing more than a bag of meat with electrical pulses racing through our very very fragile bodies. The only difference each of us has is what we ALLOW ourselves to do.

Enough of this nonsense!!!

Fx

Here's my Sunday morning. What did you do?

Sat in my flat watching Sunday brunch I heard a bit of a commotion outside. There were some quite loud bangs and loud speaking. I looked out the window to see someone on the phone. I heard him describing someone being in a manic state and thought I would go down to see if there was anything I could do to help. This is what I found and what happened afterwards..... Two men, one on the phone and one in a very hyper manic state bouncing up and down and throwing things out of a bag and in a talking really quickly and raising his voice asking where his phone is. The guy on the phone got off the phone fairly quickly and then seemed to dismiss me fairly quickly. I started walking back into my flats and wondered if they had called the phone to see if they could hear it ringing. There was no sound. I asked if it would, be on silent and was told that he was not allowed to have his film on silent. The other gentleman said something and said "I'll go and get him" then whilst I was still on the other end of the ringing phone he shot off in the rain. The man that I as left with it appeared, has some mental condition. I didn't think it was right that the guy who was clearly disturbed and upset was left on his own so when I got off the phone I started chatting to him and managed to get him to sit on the floor and try to calm down. I sat on the floor next to him and we just did small talk. He then said something that stopped me in my tracks. He told me that he had just been diagnosed with stage four mouth cancer and he had been given 3 months to live. He was worried about being able to tell his mother and daughter. He didn't want them to hear it from someone else. if it weren't for his daughter he said he would have killed himself 3 days ago....... All that was going through my head was "What the fuck do I say to that" 10 minutes later this emergency response vehicle still hasn't arrived. I asked where they had been and where he might have left his phone. I was told that they had been on Mcdonalds and in a local pub. I got the phone number for both of these places off the internet and called Mcdonalds and then called the pub. When they asked what phone it was my heart dropped. It's a Samsung S4 in black. I instantly thought there is no fucking chance that's coming back. It's smart phone so some bastard would have seen it and picked it up and vanished off with it. I spent about an hour sat on the floor against the wall with this guy and all I kept thinking was, just keep him calm. We talked about loads of things and my head kind of went blank when he asked if I had heard about the thing down the road when someone with mental problems attacked some care workers with an axe simply because he wasn't comfortable. This it seems could have turned much more interesting.... Just keep him calm. He said don't worry I'm calm in in his what seemed to me to be a bit of a hyper speed manic way and I told him it's all cool and if I was worried I wouldn't still be sat crossed legged on the floor with him. In truth my heart was racing a little after what he said but It would have been counter productive to do anything other than be calm on the outside. After all emotions are contagious. He carried on talking to me and told me about his mother, daughter, wife, sisters and his ex communicated brother. I asked why he was ex communicated and he said it's his fault that his mother is in a wheel chair and oh yeah, his mother is close to death too. His wife was with him when he found out about the three month problem but his eleven year old daughter didn't know yet. He was going to tell her later that day but he was now worried that he was going to be sectioned and end his days that way. If that happened it would be a lot harder to tell his daughter himself. What do you say? 40 minutes later the emergency response vehicle still hasn't arrived. He told me he didn't think that the ambulance was going to come because he didn't believe that the first guy had called them. He said it's the first time he has seen him in 2 years and he only asked to meet up because he heard that he had come into a bit of an inheritance windfall. He was told in the pub that he won't be giving him any of the money he received. The first guy lost interest in speaking to him after that apparently. The ambulance should be here and the police will come with them. Why will the police be coming too? The police will be here because I am regarded as a danger to myself. There's that heart racing again....... After about an forty minutes the first guy appeared again on his own and said he couldn't find the person he was looking for and said he would go and try in the graveyard...... AND WHY THE FUCK NOT? Carried on chatting and about 15 minutes afterwards he appeared with the person who he was looking for. I said good morning and other than that was pretty much blanked by both of them. Once they had both been there for about thirty seconds the first guy vanished off asap. After about 3 mins I made sure the new guy was alright with him and it turns out that he is the guys step brother. I asked if everything was good and got up and left. I'm feeling quite empty. This guy has the world on his shoulders at the moment and I don't know how I would cope in his position. Do you? Be kind to people. You never know when you are going to be in that situation yourself. Pay it forward. If you can't be kind to other people then maybe you should take a look at why. Frazer

The truth hurts.

This is blog I've thought about writing many many many times and have always talked myself out of it as it's an insight into Frazer as a person, the real person, the hidden person. For the past few months I've thought how wonderful it would be to simply end it all. The only problem with thoughts of suicide is I wouldn't do it to my parents no matter how appealing it is. No more worrying about shit. No more anxiety. No more depression. I'm 36. I have a job that doesn't bring me any joy at all. I have a boss that phones me at up to an hour before my official start of work time to have a go at me and when I question him on this he insists he has the right because I should be on my way to work anyway. My start time for work is 8am. I'm very very rarely late but when I get there at 07:32am he tells me I'm late. It is very rare that I take time for lunch however he still says I am not working a full day. In a meeting earlier this week he used the words, and this is a direct quote "we speak to people at the end of the day so they are depressed at home rather than depressed whilst at work". There was no concern that an employee could be depressed. Today he had a meeting with me and one of the faults he picked was that I didn't meet with somebody and get a lift with them when we were going to the same job despite the fact that we don't live near each other and left at completely different times. I'm starting to wish I didn't work for this company... One of the main attacks is....... I should wash the van in my own time and it's in my contract that I have to do it in unpaid time. What would I want to do? I want to do nothing more than help people. I've said this for a long time.

It's been a while.......

I've been going back and forth with myself for a while as to what to write for my next blog. This could possibly be the hard one to write because I am writing it because I feel I need to rather than the normal way which is rant utter bullshit and nonsense that will fire from a single feeling or thought in my head from some point that day....

It's a thinking one. It's a genuine one. It's not upbeat and it's not a light read. You have been warned....


In the last couple of weeks someone has said to me "people get what they deserve". This phrase has been going round in my head ever since they said it. It's a wonderful image but as with many images these days it's not real. They also say a picture paints a thousand words. This is true but the words that often get painted are different depending on how deep you wish to delve. Look at the top layer of paint and you will simply see the skin. The layer on the top is so very rarely the image of the message we actually want to transmit.

I've been through many phases of my life many were fun and many were not. I've been a complete areshole at times and a shell of a human in others. This is kind of where I think this blog is going to go as at the moment I really don't know which image is on display. I don't even show the real one to the closest people to me anymore.

I was going to write a blog and title it with a title that was based on anger which would have been something along the lines of "There is no hidden agenda you fucking moron". It was going to be based on me trying to do nice things for people and them seeming to want to either ignore me or run a mile. To those people I say, are you really that arrogant. Do you honestly believe that you are that wonderful that someone might only do something for you in order to get something back from you rather than just doing something as a kind gesture? I would suggest that this is more a reflection on who you are as a person rather than the person trying to do the kind deed.

The stage I am at at the moment is that I am totally unaware of the course my life will take when it comes to love, life and marriage. 20 years ago I would never have thought this was possible. Many would say that this is something I have control over with regards to getting out and meeting people. To those people I simply say that I would challenge them to walk a month in my social and mental shoes and then tell me that after the massive pangs of fear to do with meeting new people and being accepted that it is really that easy to go out on your own and come across as someone that others would want to show any interest in at all let alone be in a relationship with.
 This believe it or not is not a self pity blog as it is more a writing what is currently going through my head. I don't have a any pity for me. Whilst I don't have someone to share my life with I do have some incredibly beautiful guitars in my life that seem in more than one way they seem to be my comfort that would have been there if I had someone to come home to.

I don't really know where else to go with this. I guess its true what people have said about others that spend their time trying to make others laugh. They really are burying and hiding their demons. The demons always get out.

Nonsense

Fx

What's love got to do, got to do with it? #Herpes

This........
This is not going to be a very easy one to write. I've spent the last half an hour looking for a music video. I found a couple that made my eyes fill up. The messages that want to to be said more often than not are not the ones we actually the ones we vocalize.

What is love? I dispute anyone who claims they can put it in a way that all people would agree with. It is all different things to everyone and nothing to some.
 What is it that you love? is love how you feel about your favorite goldfish that you won from the fair. The one you over feed and is now so large both ends of it are pressed up against the ends of the biospere tank you bought because you saw it on bog brother!! Is love the feeling you have about your first coffee of the day because that rush from the caffeine is just so hard to beat...... Is love dependence? Is love that feeling you have where there is a hole in you when something or someone is missing? Is that the sort of love you feel?

Truth be known I don't believe love is any single thing. Love is a collection of emotions and feelings that a person has when they come into contact even through thought with someone or something that is beyond the word important to you.

People dilute the word love. To those people that say I love you so easily it rolls off their tongue like a greased up cat in a ferret farm. Those are the kryptonite people to the real meaning of love. Those are the people that dilute the true meaning. We've all met them. There is someone who I used to speak to a lot that used to say "I love you" and yet they vanish of and appear as it suits them. I really don't believe that person knows how to love. They have very little baring on my life and never really have so it's no great issue that they are like this. It's just an example of the poison that kills the true earth shattering meaning of the word.

I' thinking about this blog now and am realizing that it is fairly heavy and for those of you who have got this far I thank you.

Me? Is there love? yes there is but as always it's never simple. Secret Mrs.P has had my love for years and always will do. She knows that. There was a top secret meeting at 1:20am on Sunday and it did more than fill a hole. Cyclones began. Cyclones can vanish but I don't know. This one feels different.

If there is someone you love then make sure they know it. Never be foolish enough to let them slip away because you never know, you might not get a second, third, fourth or fifth chance. Remember the word love and remember it in it's true form and use it.

Why #Herpes? Simple, time passes and things happen and you can never kill it just like the fore mentioned affliction. You see how that works? :)

Love and nonsense.

Fx



People not understanding or getting this reference don't fret.

It pains me that this next one has a connection to twilight so please look passed that........

Valentines day. A time for war, crime and rewards for sex

Saint Valentine......... What a complete law breaking arsehole!!
During the third century in Rome Emperor Claudius II outlawed the marriage of young men. He did this because they were much better at killing people during war than men who were satisfied and with a woman. No marriage, no woman, no nookie, better stab stab, more blood loss. Now then, that bastard Valentine thought to himself, let's fuck up any chance we have of coming first in a war. What did he do? He went ahead and married young couples in secret. We will call this backstreet black market marriages......... Is it wrong that I am wondering if the sex was better in these highly forbidden couplings? Well then, My old mucker Claudius found out about what this convict idiot was doing and did what any law abiding citizen would do and ordered his death. When I think of this a phrase that was used a lot in Jackass, firm but fair.

February 14th, 1929. Chicago. Two gangs rule the streets. One gang was run by George "bugs" Moran. The other gang was run by the one and only Al Capone. Rumor has it that the two of them didn't get on. The rumors of their rivalry came to a bit of a head when people dressed up as policemen gunned down seven members of Moran's gang whilst they were in a garage. It is said that the target was Moran himself however he left the scene minutes before the fun kicked off. Apparently there was quite a lot of blood. This action was given the title of "The Valentines day massacre". History created boys. Well done!!

Lets now look at modern day......
The build up to Valentines day normally starts on 26th of December. The commercial aspect of it now as with so many things has become the leading force behind the event. Gone are the days of it being what it should stand for. Gone are the days when I was all about a card would be received from an unknown party. You would spend months if not years trying to work out who it was that sent you card as they are clearly madly in love with you. When you did finally work out who it was from it was no doubt be from the person who everybody avoided because frankly they smell and when I say smell I mean they smell BAD!! It was innocent. It was pure. It wasn't about fleecing people for all the money you can.
 These days it seems to be a commercial venture only rivaled by Christmas. For the record Saint Nick was the Saint that stood for prostitutes. Every year millions of pounds of pressure is pilled onto primarily men to spend money on their partners because it is the only day of the year that you should be telling your other half that you are in love with them but this must be done in the most financially burdened way possible. Research has been done and has been proved and confirmed that the more you spend on your partner the more likely it is that you will be rewarded..... Acceptable prostitution, maybe. An extreme view from a simple reaction? YES! The facts still stand though.
 It's with the previous comment ringing in the back of my mind that I feel I must congratulate the super markets and this year even Kentucky Fried Chicken for having a special cheap bargain to show your loved one that for the time being , they will do but mark my words, when the going gets tough the tough fuck off very very quickly. What other message could you possible take from giving the love of your life a £3 200g box of mediocre crap selection chocolates. If that isn't to your taste then you really should think about the KFC option. about a fiver will let you treat your frankly better half to deep fried food and sugar saturated carbonated drink. Nothing says love like obesity and diabetes.

The long and the short of this is simple. don't give in to the bullshit and hype surrounding St. Fucknut day. Tell the person in your life that you love them all the time. Don't just wait for one day of the year to be ripped off and fucked over with the price of shit flowers.

My Valentines day........ I guess there is a very very low key unknown Mrs. P. I'm sure she would probably know who she is and there is a reference in here that she and only she will get the background to. If I know her then she will probably now be smiling and have an annoying feeling inside once she sees the reference.
 I will be spending the morning in bed and probably do some cleaning and washing. I haven't been with anyone on this day since 2010 properly. There was the teacher but we weren't official at that point which had something to do with her husband..... What is it with me and taken/married women? My day will be just another day. I haven't had any cards or anything related to the day for about 6 years and I've been single for 5 years. I'm not a fan of the day that seems to encourage, all be it without malice, finger pointing at the single people of the world.



Romance nonsense. It's all misunderstood and complete bollocks!!

Fx

Stewie created it and it runs on uranium!!!!

It's one of those things I'm sure we all think about......

What would you change in your past? Which bit of you would you go back in time and alter in order to become someone in a better place either mentally or physically?
 In your old age have you had dreams about owning a goose farm in Indiana and not raising geese but allowing capybara to roam free on your 27 3/4 acres. I can imagine that your evening would be filled with plenty of hilarity as you laugh at tourists wondering where the geese are as they find themselves in the middle of a knee high stampede!!
 If you do answer this I feel I should say that you can't go with a really dull answer that is designed to do nothing more than get yourself more money. Surely in this this world that doesn't exist you would plan on nothing more than being a happy person.

For me it's simple...... I think. I had three dream jobs when I was growing up and these are going to be listed in no order. I wanted to be a rock star/musician, I wanted to be a policeman and last but not least I wanted to be a teacher. Thinking about this it seems quite telling of the person I have become. One job entertains, one job helps and stands up for people and the other job teaches.

If we step back to school I have to say I don't think I would have changed anything other than allowing myself to be aware of what is going to happen between Mrs Hykiel my RE teacher and myself although........ if I changed things then there would be a very strong chance that the experience with her won't have happened......... I would have changed my GCSE choices and would have spent a lot more time and effort in the music department and would have been a much better guitarist, pianist and drummer. I would also have looked at singing a lot more.

With all this firing round in our minds I feel I should say I don't want to detract from the person I am now. I'm fucking amazing!!

Deep thought and educational nonsense!!


Fx

It's all over the front page, you give me road rage!!

That metal box. You know. That metal box with the five wheels.... The one you sit in and causes you to either be invincible or the most selfish and thoughtless fucknut that has ever existed!!! Yep that's right, this one is about driving and other people on the road.......

You're driving down the road, on the other side of the road cars are parked against the curb in a way they are allowed to. In front of you a car is approaching but that persons side of the road. what happens? That car decides that they have right of way and forces their way down your side of the road and screams abuse at you because you are in their way!! If that wasn't bad enough the driver is completely unaware of the size of the vehicle they are driving. You know and I know that they are driving a G wiz. How do we know that? We are looking straight at it. In the mind of the driver however they are driving some sort of Australian road train that is 12 foot wide and imported just for them with special permissions from the DVLA. We both are unsure as to why their car has to have a four foot gap between them and the parked cars but as far as I can see that is the only logical argument!!! People like this boil my blood. If you have that little spacial awareness then you shouldn't be driving. If you have that little spacial awareness then you are dangerous and it's people like that that kill bikers!!

Once upon a time I was driving my car and had the exact experience as suggested up there. I had a fantastic  method of sorting the problem out. When the lady behind the wheel started mouthing abuse at me and waving her hands about I simply switched the engine off, took off my seatbelt and walked away from the car. I have to admit I chuckled to myself as the driver went apoplectic. After she screamed a bit more abuse at me she started reversing in order to let me past. I'm not normally that much of a dickhead when driving but this person who didn't have the right of way tried to force me up onto the pavement because I was in her way. Legally I had right of way and I'm not about to give into anyone who acts like this purely because they think they are better than me!!

Driving is a piece of piss. It really doesn't take a huge amount of deep thought. One thing it does require though is a little bit of thought and consideration for other road users. If someone flashes their lights and lets you out then give a couple of flashes of the hazard lights or at the very least hold your hand up to say thank you. If you need ot change lane then indicate and then wait for the person to acknowledge you before simply turning into the space. I am not mincing my words with this but if you are the sort of person who thinks they own the road or have the right to be in the space someone else already occupies then you sir/madam, are a complete and utter cunt and I don't use that word lightly!

When you are in your metal box you are not invincible. It has been proved time and time again it is very very and frighteningly easy for someone to get out of their car and come and speak to you face to face but when that happens the person who has been the thoughtless nugget tends to be the very first person to wind up their windows and scream and run away like a frightened little school child. Like I said, think about things. You aren't invincible and all it takes is a tiny bit of thought to make the driving world a much nicer place to be.

Don't be a tool. Indicate. Say thank you. Remember that santa claus does NOT exist!!!! The easter bunny doesn't lay eggs because what sort of genetically fucked up bunny lays eggs and as for the tooth fairy, that arse hole who breaks into your house at night and creeps round in children's bedrooms!!

Be good and thoughtful to each other. You never know it might raise you spirits....

Fx

If you've made it this far then first of a a heart felt thank you :) and secondly please share my blog. My heart and sole goes into it and its primarily designed to make people think but most of all make people smile :)

Whatever makes you happy, whatever you want, you're so fucking special

What do you get your kicks out of? Are you one of them? Are you one of those people that gets their kicks out of holding bunnies in that special way? Or you could be one of those people who loves to catalogue photographs of telephone poles. Whatever it is then you should always know you are special. In one way or another you are special. Keep telling yourself that. Look in the mirror and scream at yourself. Allow that tick to kick in you can always tell the neighbors that the bunnies you were holding told you to do it :).

Everybody gets a kick out of different things and it is more often than not not something you have any control over. I mean, you don'd have any control of your turn on's and turn offs do you? It's a hard wired thing so if you find yourself attracted to photographs of barnacles stuck to the side of boats then you go knock yourself out. You know where the harbor is. Break and leg or a winkle (pun intended)

Now we get on to the inspiring thought that has forced me like some sort of petulant child to write this evenings blog. Inspired by the rises and falls of the last couple of weeks. Taking in the beautiful and radiant sunlight bursting through the curtains of life and the hail storm of turmoil and  confusion and very close to giving in to old habits.......

Who am I and what do I want? What makes me happy? What do I want?

The thing in this life that gives me a kick pretty much more than anything else is helping people. If I can do something to make somebody else's life a better place to be then I will almost certainly do it. In very resent times I have lent my prized guitar to my local and favorite guitar shop just so that they had one better display than the other shops :). There is a feeling I keep having to do with this guitar. There is part of me that feels that it is part of my duty of owning it that if there is someone who loves guitars and they would like to then I should let them see Eleanor. There are after all only two or three of them in the country and according to someone from Gibson UK there is a string chance that only 25 were ever made. It's like Chris Evans and his Ferraris. He has openly said that if someone goes ot his house he almost sees it as part of his duty of ownership that he lets people see them. For me my guitars are the same because I do, and this is blowing my own trumpet, have a really beautiful collection of guitars. Anyway, I digress. I feel we all have a duty in life to help make other peoples lives better places to be. After all, if you are doing it for others then it will without doubt come back to you.

Be good to yourself and love people

Fx

That there dating scene.........

You all know how it is. You get to that point in life when you think to yourself you need to settle down. It's about time you got yourself a dog and/or a cat or whatever else it is you feel the urge to have sat on your lap when you get home from a hard day at work. If you are feeling really brave then you might have decided to settle down with a man or a woman or if you are really REALLY lucky two of whichever you choose. Most of you succeed at this but the very few elite people on this planet without intending to choose to run the course until late in the game. I'm going to liken this to something Richard Hammond once said. "When you go out to a disco the easiest thing is to leave as soon as possible with the first female to show willing" This is very much the path I am going to pretend I didn't want to take.......
 After reaching the tender age of 36 I have decided that I might become proactive in finding myself a partner in crime who will eventually agree to be locked in my cupboard and be brought out for special occasions . Which path am I going to go down to succeed in this? Who knows. The first part of this master plan is to get back to the gym and as soon as I've finished this 85 inch pizza with extra cheese I will think about pretending I will join my local lycra in the park group. I long for nothing more than prancing around the local green with beanbags gaffer tapped to my forehead in the interests of improving my apple core.......
 Singles nights......... I think this could very well be the path that is taken. I can think of nothing more exciting than visiting one of these groups that is no doubt full of the "take what you can get" mentality. I'll turn up there in my most rock and roll Timberlands and glasses whilst sporting a rather fetching necklace and medium size bunch of keys. What sort of braindead moron wouldn't jump on that be it man or woman? I might have to take mace. When I say might be rest assured that I will be turning up in full battle dress and carbon fiber armor and signed Perry McCarthy Stig helmet. I can tell by this point you are all either hard or wet!!
 As I type I am trying to think of some questions that will entice even the most cold hearted of lumberjacks for example, "Exactly how long have you been in to me for?"

We'll see how things go

Dating nonsense. On with the havoc!!

Fx

PS; If you enjoyed this blog, if it made you laugh, if it made you smile let me know by commenting or sharing it with people. Thank you :)

Twitter

I've walked away from twitter.

Every now and then things do much more damage than they should be allowed to do. Sometimes even the softest arrows can cause terrible damage.

There won't be a part 2 or 3 of my last blog.


Fly away.

It's all about G

1998...... 12th October. I start a new job. The job was for the Sony center. It was the start of many many things some good and some a fairly shit wrapped in lots of layers of super shit. The position was in Epsom and the manager was called Mark. After a couple of weeks Mark told me had a guitar for sale with a very small amp. He wanted £50 for both. I bought them. That was my first ever guitar. I kept that guitar for about 6 months then sold it to one of the many second hand shops that were based near me.

I'm sure many of you probably wish that was the beginning and the end of this story but it isn't! Those of a non guitar or non caring nature should probably just stop reading now!! If you choose to carry on reading then you only have yourself to blame!!

That was it for guitars for quite a long while. In 2005 me and a friend decided to go to Ibiza. we bought the tickets in January for our journey in the last week of July. I was ashamed of how I looked so started working out and being careful with what I ate. we went on holiday. I got my drink spiked and we came home again. It was a great holiday.

 Me working out carried on and however by now, after all this time of working at the Sony center I desperately wanted to leave. I went for job interviews every other Monday and was offered a few positions. I turned them down as the felt far to close to what I was already doing. New year came and went. Just before the new year I had joined a gym. It was a bog thing for me and it was all part of a massive change that I had made in my life. One of the other things that changed was I bought a new guitar at the start of January 2006. It was an Aria AW20 acoustic and I bought it from Charley Chandlers guitar experience in Hampton Wick for £110. I spent god knows how long strumming the open strings on this guitar not even knowing if it was in tune. All I knew was I loved it and felt like I was being creative by holding and strumming it. It was a new feeling. It was the first time I had ever really felt like I had the ability to create anything. I mean here was me, a 26 year old idiot sat in my room with this really basic acoustic guitar and regardless of getting anything in tune out of it I was making a musical noise!! This continued for a week or so until I got fed up with not being able to instantly write a number one song. The start of the evolution was striking and bending the lower e string (I still do this to this day and still enjoy it). It was this, as basic as it was that made me realize I did have it within me to create real sounds with this strange shaped box of food. I googled basic chords and avoided all the two fret chords as they back then really feel like proper chords. I found he G chord and learnt it. Granted it isn't hard to learn a chords that only has three finger positions but it was from then on my chord and to this day is easily my favorite chord. I became a fucking genius when it came to the G chord!!!

 I found a girlfriend and carried on with the practicing. One day I plucked up the courage and showed her what I was doing and the very basic notes I had put together. Her reply was "is that it? You aren't very good at it are you". It was a massive knock to my confidence. I put the guitar down and never really picked it up again. One day she knocked the guitar over and from then on it had a rattle noise to it. She had managed to damage the guitar all be it no on purpose. The truss rod was loose and despite it being tightened turned never stopped rattling. it still does to this day.

In 2012 I moved out and started living on my own.

In 2013 a game was released across a few formats. The game was called Rocksmith. One weekend I went out and bought the game. In the same trip to the shops I went back to Charley Chandlers and bought myself an Aria STG-03. It is a strat style electric guitar. I took the guitar and the game back home and plugged my new guitar into my Playstation and and loaded up Rocksmith. It started. First of all I had to confirm the headstock configuration and then tune it up for the first time ever. These tasks were completed fairly quickly although because if the tuners that were fitted to this £120 guitar it took longer than I would be happier with now.

 Tasks complete. The game begins...........

 The first musical task in the game is simple. Play the strings it tells you to on the screen.No time limit. No expectations. 30 seconds later the notes had been played. It seems I had just played a basic part of my very first riff. Satisfaction by the rolling stones!!! From now on I am a fucking rock and roll star!!!!!

That guitar lasted about 3 months.

On the 3rd of January 2014 I phoned in sick to work and went to guitar guitar in Epsom. I was dead set on owning a Les Paul guitar. I spoke to a lady in the shop and settled on an Epiphone special 2. Why this guitar? Why a Les Paul? It only comes down to one thing. Noel Gallagher used to play a Les Paul. Noel Gallagher was and still is my music idol. It had to be a Les Paul. Nothing else would be acceptable. It is possibly my most important guitar move. It still holds a very very firm grip on my heart strings as it was after all the very first guitar I ever loved. It cost me £115 and caught my heart.

2 months Later on the first of March I got on an plane. It took off from Gatwick and airport and landed in Tampa Florida. During my visit I went to guitar center in Tampa and saw this guitar that as  soon as I saw it was in real awe. It was another Epiphone. This one looked so pretty I just had to own one. I thought long and hard about if i should buy it whilst I was there and import it back to the UK in a hard case. I decided not to as I feared being hit with import tax. When I was back where I was staying in the states I had a look at some websites and found one for sale in the UK. It was in Brighton in Guitar, Amp and Keyboard otherwise known as GAK. I paid a deposit and when I got back to the UK despite being a bit jet lagged jumped in my car and drove 60 miles to go and pay for and collect this vision of a guitar I had seen in the states. It was an Epiphone custom pro in silver burst. I bought her along with a hard case to protect her with........

to be continued...........

Coming up......... The prophecy EX, the studio, the Marshall and the masterbilt!

Whales hate dating.

Let's get one thing straight. I'm fat! I have the BMI of the love child of a walrus and Jabba the hutt. Seriously, I used to drive cars up and down fields just to dig trenches for the war!!!!!
 Anyway, it's time for a change. It's time to lose some of this cake weight. What is it that has caused this sudden change of lifestyle? In all honesty there is nothing sudden about it. It's been planned and wanted to be done for a good few years. The final straw was, and this is sad, Tinder. I've been on and off Tinder for hundreds of years. This time though I was getting some likes and tried to speak to a few people only to have no response at all. I wondered why. I thought I would take out a subscription and get more option in the app. As soon as I paid money all matches instantly died. It was almost like the matches I was getting were force by a bot or some other automated means. (This isn't meant as attention seeking or after sympathy). It's a bit of a......... NO it's a fucking massive kick in the bollocks. It's a real knock down and realization that you are clearly not attractive to the other sex. I'm going to assume in my case it's because of the weight. It isn't helped by the fact I tend to be worried about speaking to females incase they think I'm trying something or chatting them up. The fear of rejection will always mean I have never really have the confidence to speak to women that I find attractive.

It all spans from being a child and a few things that happened whilst growing up. The main one that sticks out is as follows. You might think it's a little pathetic but I don't think anything is pathetic if it has this much of a long lasting effect. Whilst in primary school we were at that ages where you would play kiss chase. I was part of one game. It is the only time I have ever played the game and I only ever caught one girl. She was one of the cool girls and she told me that if I even tried to kiss any girl they would instantly stop playing. That combined with always being called fat kind of killed off any self esteem I might have developed.

I can't help think that these things are the reason why I have become the person that I am and strangely enough I actually really love the person I am even if i dislike the covering that surrounds it. It's the reason why one of the most important things in my life id to try to make others smile. In my book if you make yourself look like a complete idiot but manage to make someone smile that whatever you have done is worth it. If you can make someone else's world a better place eve for just a few seconds then it was worth getting out of bed in the morning. With that said it really does kill off the "it's the person inside that counts" saying that is thrown about by most people be it male or female. If it was the case that people wanted someone who was going to be kind and look after them and put their best interests first and not ever hurt them then surely. If you don't look chiseled and pretty then you don't even register. This goes in both directions and men have been complete fucking idiot s to women for all of eternity and we still seem to get away with it in one form or another.

I don't really know where this is going now as it seems to have speared off on a tangent I wasn't intending it to spear off on so I'm going to leave it there.

Remember, some of the most beautiful presents can often be wrapped up in the worlds worst vomit soaked wrapping paper.

Enough with the nonsense.

Fx