Men vs women. It's a battle that has been raging for at least 30 minutes and it's been the hardest 30 minutes of the last hour. I'm exhausted!!
Lets start off by being honest about things. Most of us are attracted to the other sex. For those of you that are attracted to the same sex I think you probably have a much much easier life!! We love each other. Most things that we do are, and this will require honesty beyond the comprehension of most of you, for the opposite of sex. We let people out of junctions whilst driving FFS and in the back of our heads we tell ourselves that it surely means the other person is going to pull over and confess their undying love for you because you are clearly a very kind person. Total nonsense!
As humans, and at this point I am assuming you haven't become bored and told the cat to read this shit and report back by way of using some sort of exotic style to fill the litter tray, we are programmed to try to impress the opposite sex or as I've already covered the same sex. Some of you I'm sure love familiar feminine charms and some of love the cock!!
During arguments we bring out the best of each other. Men come out with some sort of crap argument that very rarely has any point at all because, if we're honest, we just need to say something in a tone that makes us feel important. Most of what we say is shit, As for women! You lot, and this is 100% not stolen from as good as it gets, take logic and rational arguments and forget it all. We really don't need something we did 30 years ago brought up. It isn't productive. We are both unable to simply say I'm sorry and I love you.
Luckily I have none of this nonsense. I married my guitar!! My guitar love me. MY GUITAR WON'T LEAVE ME!! It's shit at buying me Christmas presents but it does let me strum it whenever I see fit. It doesn't get headaches. It doesn't care about my exes.
FUCK ME I'VE SOLVED IT!! FORGET THE OPPOSITE SEX. BUY GUITARS!!!!!!
This evening is endorsed by wonderful nonsence
#Gchord
Fx
Friday 21 August 2015
Sunday 16 August 2015
I'm curious
This is a blog I'm not going to promote anywhere. Call this a favour but anyone reading it, if you could key me know how you found it I would be eternally grateful
Fx
Saturday 15 August 2015
The good, the bad and the super rich!
Waitress: Hello sir. What can I get you?
Customer: Yes I wish you would hurry up.
Waitress: Excus.......
Customer: NEVERMIND! I'll have 37 hand boiled oompa loompa eggs please.
Waitress: I'm sorry sir oompa loompas don't exist.....
Customer: DON'T YOU TELL ME THAT OOMPA LOOMPAS DON'T EXIST I'VE SEEN THEM ON A FARM IN KENT. SMALL BROWN THINGS WITH FEATHERS BUT CAN FLY!
Waitress: Do you mean a chicke,,,
Customer: A SWAN! A BLOODY SWAN! AN OOMPA LOOMPA SWAN OMELETTE AND I ALSO WANT SOME WINE THAT HAS BEEN SHIT OUT BY A MILDLY FRUSTRATED WOMBLE!
Clearly this sort of thing only actually happens in the most upper market McDonalds in Bogner Regis but it clarifies my point wonderfully. Of course it does I bloody wrote it!! Stupid things that only rich people buy. Vodka with gold in it? What's the fucking point?
These days it seems that things become expensive and very very stupid purely so they can be sold to people with lots of money just for the sake of selling it at an over inflated cost. Things that need to be put into this category are Caviar, any gold plated Apple device (its done by electroplating and there is fuck all gold used. The chemicals cost more than the plating!), Any off the basic range from a prestige brand. I have always said If you cant afford the item you actually want then don't ever buy the one you can just afford because not only does it make you look cheap it enables these manufacturers to create shit products and put their badge on it in order to make money from crap. You know that old phrase you cant polish a turd? Well THAT!!
This is spanning from someone today giving me a glass of water from a one litre bottle. Upon examination there was a Harrods price tag on the back with £8.99 on it. WHO THE FUCK PAYS £9 FOR A ONE LITRE BOTTLE OF WATER? This is mental! Turn your tap and the shit pours out and if you don't like the taste of that then spend money on a Brita water filter. If you still don't like it then don't drink water but don't spend nine quid on a bottle.
Money is one of those funny things that we always want more than we actually need. I have on a few rare occasions had lots of "spare" money in the bank and have mostly pissed it up the wall on women, food and drink. Its because of this that it doesn't hold the glossy glow it once did. Frankly if I have money I am happier spending it on other people rather than myself for example this year I'm buying a couple of families presents and the original budget of about £800 has been blown to pieces however I have to say that amount of money is going to pale into insignificance when it comes to the amount of pleasure I will get when I give them what I have bought. It will be the highlight of my year, well that and frankly anything from the real life of one person who will remain nameless.
The long and the short of this nonsense blog is simply to say, if you've got spare money don't be a fucking dick. Be happy and do what you can to make others because surely that more important than an oompa loompa swan omelette or some womble arse wine.
BE GOOD TO PEOPLE!
On with the nonsense!!
Fx
Customer: Yes I wish you would hurry up.
Waitress: Excus.......
Customer: NEVERMIND! I'll have 37 hand boiled oompa loompa eggs please.
Waitress: I'm sorry sir oompa loompas don't exist.....
Customer: DON'T YOU TELL ME THAT OOMPA LOOMPAS DON'T EXIST I'VE SEEN THEM ON A FARM IN KENT. SMALL BROWN THINGS WITH FEATHERS BUT CAN FLY!
Waitress: Do you mean a chicke,,,
Customer: A SWAN! A BLOODY SWAN! AN OOMPA LOOMPA SWAN OMELETTE AND I ALSO WANT SOME WINE THAT HAS BEEN SHIT OUT BY A MILDLY FRUSTRATED WOMBLE!
Clearly this sort of thing only actually happens in the most upper market McDonalds in Bogner Regis but it clarifies my point wonderfully. Of course it does I bloody wrote it!! Stupid things that only rich people buy. Vodka with gold in it? What's the fucking point?
These days it seems that things become expensive and very very stupid purely so they can be sold to people with lots of money just for the sake of selling it at an over inflated cost. Things that need to be put into this category are Caviar, any gold plated Apple device (its done by electroplating and there is fuck all gold used. The chemicals cost more than the plating!), Any off the basic range from a prestige brand. I have always said If you cant afford the item you actually want then don't ever buy the one you can just afford because not only does it make you look cheap it enables these manufacturers to create shit products and put their badge on it in order to make money from crap. You know that old phrase you cant polish a turd? Well THAT!!
This is spanning from someone today giving me a glass of water from a one litre bottle. Upon examination there was a Harrods price tag on the back with £8.99 on it. WHO THE FUCK PAYS £9 FOR A ONE LITRE BOTTLE OF WATER? This is mental! Turn your tap and the shit pours out and if you don't like the taste of that then spend money on a Brita water filter. If you still don't like it then don't drink water but don't spend nine quid on a bottle.
Money is one of those funny things that we always want more than we actually need. I have on a few rare occasions had lots of "spare" money in the bank and have mostly pissed it up the wall on women, food and drink. Its because of this that it doesn't hold the glossy glow it once did. Frankly if I have money I am happier spending it on other people rather than myself for example this year I'm buying a couple of families presents and the original budget of about £800 has been blown to pieces however I have to say that amount of money is going to pale into insignificance when it comes to the amount of pleasure I will get when I give them what I have bought. It will be the highlight of my year, well that and frankly anything from the real life of one person who will remain nameless.
The long and the short of this nonsense blog is simply to say, if you've got spare money don't be a fucking dick. Be happy and do what you can to make others because surely that more important than an oompa loompa swan omelette or some womble arse wine.
BE GOOD TO PEOPLE!
On with the nonsense!!
Fx
Wednesday 12 August 2015
Green non-nonsense witchcraft
I'll tell you what isn't nonsense, green tea. I've been drinking this shit for five days now. Bought the Tetley stuff with extra vitamin B6. Since I've been drinking it I've been in a noticeably better mood!!
FUCKING WITCHCRAFT NONSENSE!!!!!
Fx
FUCKING WITCHCRAFT NONSENSE!!!!!
Fx
Facefuck and the end of the human race
Possibly the ultimate in nonsense, and when I say nonsense I mean complete and utter BULLSHIT NONSENSE!!!
Facebook...........
It seems that as a race we have reached the peak of our intellect. We have reached the stage in evolution where we are prepared to allow our lives to be dictated by #Facebook. It's wonderful that people have finally realized that the most important thing in your life is simply what someone in another country who you have never and will never meet thinks whilst he opens his can of fermented herring underwater whilst drinking his international peace keeping green tea! What's that? he unfollowed? HOW FUCKING DARE HE? How dare he realize that what you say on there is not only very very dull but also very similar to what you said this time last year. He knows what you wrote this time last year because you insist on reposting all of your mind nummingly dull time hop bullshit. What's that? The one last year was more important because your cat was in a slightly different position? WELL FUCK ME BACKWARDS!! Why haven't you been nominated for a Nobel Peace prize? Have #Sky news or #BBC news 24 been on the phone? I'm sure the phone is just about to ring!! I mean who wouldn't care about that? Look at the look on Fluffy's disparaging face. He gives a shit so everyone else does. Right? Just so you know, your cat probably doesn't give a shit about you. If I feed your cat salmon he would prefer me! If he liked you would he show you his rusty sheriffs badge as often as he does!
Facebook. Why is it that if you aren't on it you get penalized in life in various ways. Online many bits of info are linked through #Facebook. Let's be honest these days most people ONLY remember others birthday because it smashes it like a leper horse running at full speed into your face. We are losing the human touch. We are losing the ability to know how to be real friends without have the interaction of facebook. If you aren't on facebook you don't go to that party. You don't go because people just assume you know about it despite the fact you aren't on facebook.
Incase you haven't realized yet, I hate facebook. I think it is to social media what HIV is to an immune system. It takes everything and breaks it down. It makes the shallow feel self important and it makes the insecure feel suicidal. People really do believe that facebook is more important that it really is. It's nothing more than millions of arseholes comparing how small their penises are regardless of being male or female.
Don't let facebook rule your life. Breathe, let your heart beat, look someone in the eyes get annoyed because the real life friend is staring you out, FIGHT THEM!!! There you go. You can't do that on facetard can you you FUCKING LEGEND.
Seriously, get off the internet........
.......Well I say get off the internet finish reading this blog or get on #Twitter. Twitter is fucking great. I let it make choices about what I do in life. If you aren't following me on twitter then you are nothing to me and don't exist in my world!!
It's all nonsense!
Fx
#Facebook #Twitter #PopularityContest #SuperShallow #RealLife #IHateYouAll #ILoveYouReally
Facebook...........
It seems that as a race we have reached the peak of our intellect. We have reached the stage in evolution where we are prepared to allow our lives to be dictated by #Facebook. It's wonderful that people have finally realized that the most important thing in your life is simply what someone in another country who you have never and will never meet thinks whilst he opens his can of fermented herring underwater whilst drinking his international peace keeping green tea! What's that? he unfollowed? HOW FUCKING DARE HE? How dare he realize that what you say on there is not only very very dull but also very similar to what you said this time last year. He knows what you wrote this time last year because you insist on reposting all of your mind nummingly dull time hop bullshit. What's that? The one last year was more important because your cat was in a slightly different position? WELL FUCK ME BACKWARDS!! Why haven't you been nominated for a Nobel Peace prize? Have #Sky news or #BBC news 24 been on the phone? I'm sure the phone is just about to ring!! I mean who wouldn't care about that? Look at the look on Fluffy's disparaging face. He gives a shit so everyone else does. Right? Just so you know, your cat probably doesn't give a shit about you. If I feed your cat salmon he would prefer me! If he liked you would he show you his rusty sheriffs badge as often as he does!
Facebook. Why is it that if you aren't on it you get penalized in life in various ways. Online many bits of info are linked through #Facebook. Let's be honest these days most people ONLY remember others birthday because it smashes it like a leper horse running at full speed into your face. We are losing the human touch. We are losing the ability to know how to be real friends without have the interaction of facebook. If you aren't on facebook you don't go to that party. You don't go because people just assume you know about it despite the fact you aren't on facebook.
Incase you haven't realized yet, I hate facebook. I think it is to social media what HIV is to an immune system. It takes everything and breaks it down. It makes the shallow feel self important and it makes the insecure feel suicidal. People really do believe that facebook is more important that it really is. It's nothing more than millions of arseholes comparing how small their penises are regardless of being male or female.
Don't let facebook rule your life. Breathe, let your heart beat, look someone in the eyes get annoyed because the real life friend is staring you out, FIGHT THEM!!! There you go. You can't do that on facetard can you you FUCKING LEGEND.
Seriously, get off the internet........
.......Well I say get off the internet finish reading this blog or get on #Twitter. Twitter is fucking great. I let it make choices about what I do in life. If you aren't following me on twitter then you are nothing to me and don't exist in my world!!
It's all nonsense!
Fx
#Facebook #Twitter #PopularityContest #SuperShallow #RealLife #IHateYouAll #ILoveYouReally
Monday 10 August 2015
Survival of the fittest? Survival of the biggest arsehole more like!!
Survival of the fittest. People assume that this means that the better condition you are in the longer you are likely to survive. Whilst this might very well be true lets have a quick look at the reality behind what this really means.
I've been thinking about this today after going back to a building site to find that somebody had killed a chick I had been keeping an eye on for a week. I first saw the chick when I was frankly sat on my arse fiddling around with wires and screws and metal cabinets and plastic and shit. I could hear a slight chirping noise and after hearing this for about an hour decided to have a look and see if I could work out what was making the sound. Turns out it was this bird that was chirping in reply to the much higher noted chirp from the mother bird who would return frequently to feed the fat little rascal. I checked in on the bird several times a day because it was after all sat in the middle of a building site in a hidden corner of one of the £1.3M houses
A week has gone passed and all appointments at this site had been shelved due people being what I can only describe, and this is in the nicest possible terms, complete fucking tools and clearly not having a clue how to run a site!!
Upon arriving back at this site this morning at 07:30 the first thing I did was go down into the basement to check on the chic and make sure it was ok or had managed to fly away as I am pretty sure it was a couple of weeks off flying away anyway.
I found the bird. It was sadly lying on the floor in a way that was very clear that some total cunt had squashed it by dropping something on it or treading on it. What sort of scum would do this? What is it that makes some people think that the electrical impulses that cause a heart beat and brain activity to be less important if it is in an animal than it is if it had been in a human being?
With animals it is very much a case of survival of the fittest. This is something that is fair and 99.9% of the time is fair and right.
With humans it seems to be a case of fitness has nothing to do with it. The person who is willing to be the biggest arsehole tends to come out on top as they are willing to hurt and fuck others over in order to get what the want. The belief of nice things happen to nice people is complete bollocks. If that were the case nice things would happen to me all the time. I live my life with the mindset that unless you have wronged me in a terrible way or have shown yourself to be a bad person I will help you. Frankly I will go out of my way to help you. If there is anything I can do then simply tell me and if it's within my power it will happen
Survival of the fittest my arse. Survival of the biggest cunts more like it
Fuck this. I'm leaving this here so I can go and take my socks off.
It's all fucking nonsense
Fx
I've been thinking about this today after going back to a building site to find that somebody had killed a chick I had been keeping an eye on for a week. I first saw the chick when I was frankly sat on my arse fiddling around with wires and screws and metal cabinets and plastic and shit. I could hear a slight chirping noise and after hearing this for about an hour decided to have a look and see if I could work out what was making the sound. Turns out it was this bird that was chirping in reply to the much higher noted chirp from the mother bird who would return frequently to feed the fat little rascal. I checked in on the bird several times a day because it was after all sat in the middle of a building site in a hidden corner of one of the £1.3M houses
A week has gone passed and all appointments at this site had been shelved due people being what I can only describe, and this is in the nicest possible terms, complete fucking tools and clearly not having a clue how to run a site!!
Upon arriving back at this site this morning at 07:30 the first thing I did was go down into the basement to check on the chic and make sure it was ok or had managed to fly away as I am pretty sure it was a couple of weeks off flying away anyway.
I found the bird. It was sadly lying on the floor in a way that was very clear that some total cunt had squashed it by dropping something on it or treading on it. What sort of scum would do this? What is it that makes some people think that the electrical impulses that cause a heart beat and brain activity to be less important if it is in an animal than it is if it had been in a human being?
With animals it is very much a case of survival of the fittest. This is something that is fair and 99.9% of the time is fair and right.
With humans it seems to be a case of fitness has nothing to do with it. The person who is willing to be the biggest arsehole tends to come out on top as they are willing to hurt and fuck others over in order to get what the want. The belief of nice things happen to nice people is complete bollocks. If that were the case nice things would happen to me all the time. I live my life with the mindset that unless you have wronged me in a terrible way or have shown yourself to be a bad person I will help you. Frankly I will go out of my way to help you. If there is anything I can do then simply tell me and if it's within my power it will happen
Survival of the fittest my arse. Survival of the biggest cunts more like it
Fuck this. I'm leaving this here so I can go and take my socks off.
It's all fucking nonsense
Fx
Sunday 9 August 2015
All I can really think of saying is FUCKING NONSENSE!
Me, yes, ME!! I am doing this blogging thing from off of the internets!
There will be no "yolo". There will be no "nom nom" There will be no "innit" and under no bloody circumstances will there be any abuse and misuse of the word "like" and certainly no "I turned round". On the upside my spelling and grammar are fucking terrible!
May the nonsense continue!!
F x
Me, yes, ME!! I am doing this blogging thing from off of the internets!
There will be no "yolo". There will be no "nom nom" There will be no "innit" and under no bloody circumstances will there be any abuse and misuse of the word "like" and certainly no "I turned round". On the upside my spelling and grammar are fucking terrible!
May the nonsense continue!!
F x
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