Saint Valentine......... What a complete law breaking arsehole!!
During the third century in Rome Emperor Claudius II outlawed the marriage of young men. He did this because they were much better at killing people during war than men who were satisfied and with a woman. No marriage, no woman, no nookie, better stab stab, more blood loss. Now then, that bastard Valentine thought to himself, let's fuck up any chance we have of coming first in a war. What did he do? He went ahead and married young couples in secret. We will call this backstreet black market marriages......... Is it wrong that I am wondering if the sex was better in these highly forbidden couplings? Well then, My old mucker Claudius found out about what this convict idiot was doing and did what any law abiding citizen would do and ordered his death. When I think of this a phrase that was used a lot in Jackass, firm but fair.
February 14th, 1929. Chicago. Two gangs rule the streets. One gang was run by George "bugs" Moran. The other gang was run by the one and only Al Capone. Rumor has it that the two of them didn't get on. The rumors of their rivalry came to a bit of a head when people dressed up as policemen gunned down seven members of Moran's gang whilst they were in a garage. It is said that the target was Moran himself however he left the scene minutes before the fun kicked off. Apparently there was quite a lot of blood. This action was given the title of "The Valentines day massacre". History created boys. Well done!!
Lets now look at modern day......
The build up to Valentines day normally starts on 26th of December. The commercial aspect of it now as with so many things has become the leading force behind the event. Gone are the days of it being what it should stand for. Gone are the days when I was all about a card would be received from an unknown party. You would spend months if not years trying to work out who it was that sent you card as they are clearly madly in love with you. When you did finally work out who it was from it was no doubt be from the person who everybody avoided because frankly they smell and when I say smell I mean they smell BAD!! It was innocent. It was pure. It wasn't about fleecing people for all the money you can.
These days it seems to be a commercial venture only rivaled by Christmas. For the record Saint Nick was the Saint that stood for prostitutes. Every year millions of pounds of pressure is pilled onto primarily men to spend money on their partners because it is the only day of the year that you should be telling your other half that you are in love with them but this must be done in the most financially burdened way possible. Research has been done and has been proved and confirmed that the more you spend on your partner the more likely it is that you will be rewarded..... Acceptable prostitution, maybe. An extreme view from a simple reaction? YES! The facts still stand though.
It's with the previous comment ringing in the back of my mind that I feel I must congratulate the super markets and this year even Kentucky Fried Chicken for having a special cheap bargain to show your loved one that for the time being , they will do but mark my words, when the going gets tough the tough fuck off very very quickly. What other message could you possible take from giving the love of your life a £3 200g box of mediocre crap selection chocolates. If that isn't to your taste then you really should think about the KFC option. about a fiver will let you treat your frankly better half to deep fried food and sugar saturated carbonated drink. Nothing says love like obesity and diabetes.
The long and the short of this is simple. don't give in to the bullshit and hype surrounding St. Fucknut day. Tell the person in your life that you love them all the time. Don't just wait for one day of the year to be ripped off and fucked over with the price of shit flowers.
My Valentines day........ I guess there is a very very low key unknown Mrs. P. I'm sure she would probably know who she is and there is a reference in here that she and only she will get the background to. If I know her then she will probably now be smiling and have an annoying feeling inside once she sees the reference.
I will be spending the morning in bed and probably do some cleaning and washing. I haven't been with anyone on this day since 2010 properly. There was the teacher but we weren't official at that point which had something to do with her husband..... What is it with me and taken/married women? My day will be just another day. I haven't had any cards or anything related to the day for about 6 years and I've been single for 5 years. I'm not a fan of the day that seems to encourage, all be it without malice, finger pointing at the single people of the world.
Romance nonsense. It's all misunderstood and complete bollocks!!
Fx
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