The truth hurts.

This is blog I've thought about writing many many many times and have always talked myself out of it as it's an insight into Frazer as a person, the real person, the hidden person. For the past few months I've thought how wonderful it would be to simply end it all. The only problem with thoughts of suicide is I wouldn't do it to my parents no matter how appealing it is. No more worrying about shit. No more anxiety. No more depression. I'm 36. I have a job that doesn't bring me any joy at all. I have a boss that phones me at up to an hour before my official start of work time to have a go at me and when I question him on this he insists he has the right because I should be on my way to work anyway. My start time for work is 8am. I'm very very rarely late but when I get there at 07:32am he tells me I'm late. It is very rare that I take time for lunch however he still says I am not working a full day. In a meeting earlier this week he used the words, and this is a direct quote "we speak to people at the end of the day so they are depressed at home rather than depressed whilst at work". There was no concern that an employee could be depressed. Today he had a meeting with me and one of the faults he picked was that I didn't meet with somebody and get a lift with them when we were going to the same job despite the fact that we don't live near each other and left at completely different times. I'm starting to wish I didn't work for this company... One of the main attacks is....... I should wash the van in my own time and it's in my contract that I have to do it in unpaid time. What would I want to do? I want to do nothing more than help people. I've said this for a long time.