So then, Last night I spent about 90 minutes messaging someone at crisis. I'm really not happy at the moment. for the first time in a long time I can say I genuinely feeling really depressed and no I wont be jumping on the old believe of "take tablets for it". Please don't say that to me. I find it offensive. Your way of solving a problem is not my way of solving a problem!
I don't think it is any one certain that has caused this but more a small string of things.
I'm tired. I'm tired of coming home to an empty flat. I'm tired of being only a friend. I'm tired of never being seen as anything other than someone in the background rather than an important part of someone's life. I'm tired of the fact I have hit 40 and have achieved what I see as nothing in my life. I'm tired of the fact that I feel that even if I did end up in a relationship with someone I am passed the point of being young enough to start a family. I'm tired of feeling like I don't have anyone who I can speak to 100% and is without question thee for me. I've tried to b the best person I can be and will always help someone if I am able but yet it feels like I am still the after thought. I'm tired.
I have said many times the only reason I would end my life is because of the Edinburgh collective and right this minute that is painfully accurate.
I don't want to continue on this path and I don't feel I have the ability to divert it from it's course. Never judge someone or insist the solution is easy unless you have spent a day in their mind and seeing as that isn't possible it's best to keep the simplistic replies left unsaid.
I'm deeply unhappy and don't know what to do but don't want to be in this state anymore. I would welcome an uncontrolled solution.
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