The lies our parents tell us!

We've all heard them. We've all sat there and heard a parent tell their child that Santa exists. We've all heard the child ask about the tooth fairy. We've all heard the parents tell the ugly child that they love them...........

To quote a good friend....... "The lies are never ending"

In the run up to Christmas, you know, the run up that these days seems to start in May, are told they must behave otherwise Santa won't come. I for one know of someone that told their child Santa wouldn't come and when Christmas day arrived it seemed that Santa hadn't been. This, you have to admit is an amazing way of saving £30.
 If I ever have children, which at this point isn't looking hopeful, I will make sure that as soon as they show any sort of grasp on reality I will be telling them that the monster that lives under their beds and watches them as they sleep ripped Santa's throat out when they were young and they are just waiting for the children to fall to sleep at which point they will be on the fast track to joining the puppy they used to have that went to live on a farm.......

Zombies aren't real......
Zombies are soooo real and next time you are bad it's going to eat your brains.

Trolls.........
They don't live under bridges. They live in the forest and can smell religion. Trolls hate religion. If you are religious a troll will come and kill you. PS, there might be a troll in your cupboard.

I love you.....
Now this is a bit of a touchy subject........ Parents love their children don't get me wrong but it's a bond very few have any choice in. Now then, if you could actually step outside your body and watch your child's behaviour when out in public would you really think "Now that's a child I love" as they are screaming at the dog or shouting for the parent to fuck off whilst in the middle of a supermarket on Sunday afternoon.

We all lie to children but it's alright, most of them are fairly thick and won't be aware that you are lying your arse off just to make your own life easier and stop the little bastards from making the annoying noise they are right at that second!!

Lying nonsense, long may it live!!!!!

Fx