Family........... The secret truth!!

Family.......... Can't really live with them. Can't get away with shooting them in order to claim on the life insurance........

It means something different in connection to every single person on the planet. Some people are fucking idiots and use the word "fam" and in my opinion those are the people should probably be chemically castrated.

For me what does it mean? To me family is anyone who has a permanent place in my heart and those people that in their own way look out for me This does of course mean that if I ever have a heart transplant most if them are screwed as half the reason for them being regarded as family dies off. In my instance I can say that I have 5 members of true bloody family and a few that are family in my heart without blood. Both have their merits and downfalls. Only one in my list was brought in by other means but all the same that person is brilliant and has a very well deserved place in my family.


This is a work in progress............ Keep watching!!

Those people in the street.......

Come on. You know the ones. You're walking down your local shopping street and all of a sudden some grubby and yet spotless urchin jumps out at you and insists on talking to you about the blight of the three legged lesser spotted badger from the Philippines. Both you know and I know that regardless of what bollocks they are about to spout connected to it's babies that are born with mange so bad they have to shit out of their left ear. It's nonsense because the ultimate plan is to get your bank details!!!! There is only one style worse than this and that's the ones that knock on your door. I've been off work today and my door bell went. I answered and someone said we want to speak to you about animals. "Do you like animals sir". The first mistake was asking such a fucking stupid question designed to do nothing more than trap me into a path of expanding conversation and the second was calling me "sir". Don't do that. It will just make me think that you view yourself as lower than me on the food chain of life. I said yes I do but I am not in a position to give them my money at the moment. The person who rang on my buzzer at this point played what can only be described as the worlds greatest checkmate. He came back instantly and said we aren't here for that today we are here to give away free dogs. I shit you not, for a split second my brain went into full I WANT A CUTE PUPPY mode and then came back to reality. I brilliant reply to someone who was clearly not expecting it!!

Well done if you got through that house brick of text!!

The other week I was walking down the road and I made the fatal mistake of making eye contact with someone. They turned round and looked at me. There was a group of three of them. They were of Asian ethnicity and I thought as they walked towards me that they were after directions to somewhere. I was happy to give them these directions. They asked if they could speak to me and a little alarm went off in my head along with the words holy fuck please no. They asked if they could speak to me about the bible. Now then, this is a subject I love albeit not believing in any part of the bible, you know, because it is a book written by man for men, a lot like the book written by L. Ron Hubbard. If you don't know who he is then google it..... I told them I wouldn't be the best person to speak to as I am not religious, they said they only wanted to speak to me as they were from Korea and it was a language exercise for them and that was all. I went along with it and they were reading from a folder and speaking about why there was a father a son bu no mother god and that it mirrored a normal family home in all other aspects apart from the lack of a mother, Anyone who knows me can probably guess that this is normally all I need to fire off on a rant about modern life and religion and how the view changes depending on which version of Aesop's fables you actually read. The long and the short of it was after showing me the famous painting of all those people having a meal with Jebus and his wife next to him they asked if I knew the painting, I said yes and then they asked me if I believed in the possibility of there being a mother god........ I gave them a bit of a blank look and reminded them that it wouldn't be a fair answer as I don't believe in god. They said thank you and good bye.....
One of the main things going through my head was north or south I MUST KNOW!!!!!

My normal methods of deflection when someone asks if they can speak to me in the street are either to just stand there and stare at them without blinking until they walk off (this works a treat!!) or simply say I'm sorry I can't speak to you I died last night. Both of these are brilliant and topped only by when I was walking through central Berlin and got approached, they couldn't walk away fast enough when I spoke in English!!!!

Despite all this being said I do understand that people are doing it as a job and from time ti time they actually care about the cause but it's the ones who just won't fuck off that have caused this venom for the rest off them.

The long and short of it is everyone has to do a job. DON'T DO A SHIT JOB!!

Fx

Periscope and the the eternal boring questions

Now then!!!

Periscope in my opinion is brilliant. You can find anything that interests you be it people walking round a farm to Americans doing yoga to children on their lunch break to Americans walking round a farm to children doing yoga to other people on their lunch break. It's a glorious world we live in!!

When I am sat at home I will often have a look on periscope and view in wonder at how utterly dull most of the things on there are. Most of the stuff really is an advert for all the most stupid people on this planet. It seems to mainly these days be people of various races demonstrating their inability to use the English language and if it isn't that then it is some fucktard talking about how stoned they are and sometimes if you are lucky you get to watch the little shit smoking what I believe the cool kids call a "blunt" The blunt thing confuses me because I have not once seen anyone with a good old HB pencil in their mouth. What the fuck are these idiots on about?

It is sad that in this day and age the grooming is as open as it is on periscope. Whenever you watch a scope that is being hosted by a female then you can always bank on a couple of times a minute someone will come in and ask "Bae" how old she is. First of all I was totally unaware that a cool name to call your child these days is "Bae" and how great are the guessing skills of these dickheads that they manage to guess correctly?

Despite the fact that you have no doubt read what I have written before this please don't get get the impression that I don't like Periscope. I do. I fucking love it!! I use it to sit at home and mess around with my guitars and then speak to people as I'm doing it but it does seem to be very heavily frequented by some inbred fuckknuckles that are clearly very sexually frustrated or bad people in hiding. I do wonder if these idiots know how easy it is to track them through Periscope. All you need to do is follow them and the second they pop up it shows you where they are. There is a little more to it than that but I have displayed before how easy it is to find someone from Periscope if you scope and don't do your settings properly. I'm happy for everybody to be on that place but most of the people really do need some sort of filter in which if they are about to do or say something that would have them put forwards for scientific experiments it flashes up on their screens and the computer or mobile device screams "FUCKING IDIOT" at you before you do it. That's my idea that is and it's going to make me a millionaire.

Anyway enough of this arrogant nonsense

Fx

You're an individual just like everyone else

It's Sunday. I'm sat on my sofa. I smell and I need a shower! I've been thinking for a while that I wanted the spark to write a new blog because I know all your lives depend of the sort of bullshit nonsense that I so love writing. Each one needs a smoldering ember from something I have thought or heard. Todays blog has been inspired by someone that I adore. He's currently on my TV screen and being streamed from the flix that is on the net. I am of course talking about Amazon TV.... If that's the streaming service that you came to the conclusion that I am watching then you sir or madam are a complete fucking idiot! I suggest you go and watch the brilliance of George W Bush Jnr greatest speeches and ponder to yourself why he never managed to become President of the United States of Angola just like his mum was.

 I degress......

 Stephen Fry! Just a brilliant man. I'm watching the public broadcast of his book launch that he did in 2014. He has spoken about the fact that EVERYONE is related to everyone else in some distant way. No matter how much you might dislike anyone else from another part of the planet that has managed to stick out of the water that covers our chunk of gravel.

 We all have really different things that get our blood racing. We all have things that we get out of bed for. We are all the same thing. We are all the same breed. We are ALL descended from the same very small group of people. We all come from the same couple of thousand people. We are currently, in the UK, going through a bit of a transition from a country that likes to speak to others about things that everyone else fucking hates and gets irritated by (I'm starting to think I am the human version of my country). We have or should I say had opened the door to peoples ability to scream some vile things. Those people can go fuck themselves and I feel should be housed on the Titanic in it's current position.

 Whatever makes you you is what you must behold as your brilliance. For me it's simple things. It's, and this will be no surprise, guitars although of late this has been softening of late. I haven't bought a new guitar for over seven months. This is the first time this has happened since I have shown a real interest in them.

 Those of you that actually know me, those of you who have been allowed to know the heart and soul that beats inside this really fucked up embodiment of crap, you will know the addictions and hooks that I will speak of. I won't be broadcasting what they are because if you don't know then you haven't given me any reason at all to tell you. I will often be sat at home and often at work and think to myself "I want to give in and do that bad habit. That's what I really want to do when I get home. That's what I really want to do right now, I want to walk out of work and do that now!" The pangs are still there and the heart racing is still there. The anxiety connected to it all and wanting to do it all is still there. The willingness to hand over the money and be happy about it is no longer there. The care for it is no longer really there but yet the body still wants it despite the heart and soul not really caring about it anymore. I won't lie to myself and say it wont happen again. I'm not that stupid. I would put a lot of money on the fact that it WILL happen again but it's a fucking rarity these days. It was over taken by my addiction to buying guitars. It's a better investment and give a lot more pleasure for the money. These days when I come home I am more likely to want a drink in order to calm the choppy mental waters. This is not a great place to be but is a shit load easier to ignore than anything else. I have spent many hours on the guitar guitar website hovering over the finance button on the 2016 limited edition Gibson Voodoo Les Paul. I want it and it's cheap. It's only £1,100. Despite my MANY MANY flaws I am still, no matter what people say and not meant in an arrogant way, fucking amazing! I am still one of the kindest people you will ever meet even if my current stress release is to have a drink and even if my other one is an addiction that still plagues me and is a fight to not give in to everyday.

 The long and the short of this is simply that we are all different but we all come from the same place. even if you are the sort of person who enjoys anything to do with Justin Bieber or one direction or if you are the sort of normal person who longs for the return of just seventeen because there was very little as funny when you were younger than reading the problem pages and the letters people used to write. If you're sexual orientation or for people of the same sex or for your neighbors dog or cat or even if you like nothing more than to spend the weekend cottaging with your uncle Dilbert, we are all the same. We are all nothing more than a bag of meat with electrical pulses racing through our very very fragile bodies. The only difference each of us has is what we ALLOW ourselves to do.

Enough of this nonsense!!!

Fx

Here's my Sunday morning. What did you do?

Sat in my flat watching Sunday brunch I heard a bit of a commotion outside. There were some quite loud bangs and loud speaking. I looked out the window to see someone on the phone. I heard him describing someone being in a manic state and thought I would go down to see if there was anything I could do to help. This is what I found and what happened afterwards..... Two men, one on the phone and one in a very hyper manic state bouncing up and down and throwing things out of a bag and in a talking really quickly and raising his voice asking where his phone is. The guy on the phone got off the phone fairly quickly and then seemed to dismiss me fairly quickly. I started walking back into my flats and wondered if they had called the phone to see if they could hear it ringing. There was no sound. I asked if it would, be on silent and was told that he was not allowed to have his film on silent. The other gentleman said something and said "I'll go and get him" then whilst I was still on the other end of the ringing phone he shot off in the rain. The man that I as left with it appeared, has some mental condition. I didn't think it was right that the guy who was clearly disturbed and upset was left on his own so when I got off the phone I started chatting to him and managed to get him to sit on the floor and try to calm down. I sat on the floor next to him and we just did small talk. He then said something that stopped me in my tracks. He told me that he had just been diagnosed with stage four mouth cancer and he had been given 3 months to live. He was worried about being able to tell his mother and daughter. He didn't want them to hear it from someone else. if it weren't for his daughter he said he would have killed himself 3 days ago....... All that was going through my head was "What the fuck do I say to that" 10 minutes later this emergency response vehicle still hasn't arrived. I asked where they had been and where he might have left his phone. I was told that they had been on Mcdonalds and in a local pub. I got the phone number for both of these places off the internet and called Mcdonalds and then called the pub. When they asked what phone it was my heart dropped. It's a Samsung S4 in black. I instantly thought there is no fucking chance that's coming back. It's smart phone so some bastard would have seen it and picked it up and vanished off with it. I spent about an hour sat on the floor against the wall with this guy and all I kept thinking was, just keep him calm. We talked about loads of things and my head kind of went blank when he asked if I had heard about the thing down the road when someone with mental problems attacked some care workers with an axe simply because he wasn't comfortable. This it seems could have turned much more interesting.... Just keep him calm. He said don't worry I'm calm in in his what seemed to me to be a bit of a hyper speed manic way and I told him it's all cool and if I was worried I wouldn't still be sat crossed legged on the floor with him. In truth my heart was racing a little after what he said but It would have been counter productive to do anything other than be calm on the outside. After all emotions are contagious. He carried on talking to me and told me about his mother, daughter, wife, sisters and his ex communicated brother. I asked why he was ex communicated and he said it's his fault that his mother is in a wheel chair and oh yeah, his mother is close to death too. His wife was with him when he found out about the three month problem but his eleven year old daughter didn't know yet. He was going to tell her later that day but he was now worried that he was going to be sectioned and end his days that way. If that happened it would be a lot harder to tell his daughter himself. What do you say? 40 minutes later the emergency response vehicle still hasn't arrived. He told me he didn't think that the ambulance was going to come because he didn't believe that the first guy had called them. He said it's the first time he has seen him in 2 years and he only asked to meet up because he heard that he had come into a bit of an inheritance windfall. He was told in the pub that he won't be giving him any of the money he received. The first guy lost interest in speaking to him after that apparently. The ambulance should be here and the police will come with them. Why will the police be coming too? The police will be here because I am regarded as a danger to myself. There's that heart racing again....... After about an forty minutes the first guy appeared again on his own and said he couldn't find the person he was looking for and said he would go and try in the graveyard...... AND WHY THE FUCK NOT? Carried on chatting and about 15 minutes afterwards he appeared with the person who he was looking for. I said good morning and other than that was pretty much blanked by both of them. Once they had both been there for about thirty seconds the first guy vanished off asap. After about 3 mins I made sure the new guy was alright with him and it turns out that he is the guys step brother. I asked if everything was good and got up and left. I'm feeling quite empty. This guy has the world on his shoulders at the moment and I don't know how I would cope in his position. Do you? Be kind to people. You never know when you are going to be in that situation yourself. Pay it forward. If you can't be kind to other people then maybe you should take a look at why. Frazer

The truth hurts.

This is blog I've thought about writing many many many times and have always talked myself out of it as it's an insight into Frazer as a person, the real person, the hidden person. For the past few months I've thought how wonderful it would be to simply end it all. The only problem with thoughts of suicide is I wouldn't do it to my parents no matter how appealing it is. No more worrying about shit. No more anxiety. No more depression. I'm 36. I have a job that doesn't bring me any joy at all. I have a boss that phones me at up to an hour before my official start of work time to have a go at me and when I question him on this he insists he has the right because I should be on my way to work anyway. My start time for work is 8am. I'm very very rarely late but when I get there at 07:32am he tells me I'm late. It is very rare that I take time for lunch however he still says I am not working a full day. In a meeting earlier this week he used the words, and this is a direct quote "we speak to people at the end of the day so they are depressed at home rather than depressed whilst at work". There was no concern that an employee could be depressed. Today he had a meeting with me and one of the faults he picked was that I didn't meet with somebody and get a lift with them when we were going to the same job despite the fact that we don't live near each other and left at completely different times. I'm starting to wish I didn't work for this company... One of the main attacks is....... I should wash the van in my own time and it's in my contract that I have to do it in unpaid time. What would I want to do? I want to do nothing more than help people. I've said this for a long time.

It's been a while.......

I've been going back and forth with myself for a while as to what to write for my next blog. This could possibly be the hard one to write because I am writing it because I feel I need to rather than the normal way which is rant utter bullshit and nonsense that will fire from a single feeling or thought in my head from some point that day....

It's a thinking one. It's a genuine one. It's not upbeat and it's not a light read. You have been warned....


In the last couple of weeks someone has said to me "people get what they deserve". This phrase has been going round in my head ever since they said it. It's a wonderful image but as with many images these days it's not real. They also say a picture paints a thousand words. This is true but the words that often get painted are different depending on how deep you wish to delve. Look at the top layer of paint and you will simply see the skin. The layer on the top is so very rarely the image of the message we actually want to transmit.

I've been through many phases of my life many were fun and many were not. I've been a complete areshole at times and a shell of a human in others. This is kind of where I think this blog is going to go as at the moment I really don't know which image is on display. I don't even show the real one to the closest people to me anymore.

I was going to write a blog and title it with a title that was based on anger which would have been something along the lines of "There is no hidden agenda you fucking moron". It was going to be based on me trying to do nice things for people and them seeming to want to either ignore me or run a mile. To those people I say, are you really that arrogant. Do you honestly believe that you are that wonderful that someone might only do something for you in order to get something back from you rather than just doing something as a kind gesture? I would suggest that this is more a reflection on who you are as a person rather than the person trying to do the kind deed.

The stage I am at at the moment is that I am totally unaware of the course my life will take when it comes to love, life and marriage. 20 years ago I would never have thought this was possible. Many would say that this is something I have control over with regards to getting out and meeting people. To those people I simply say that I would challenge them to walk a month in my social and mental shoes and then tell me that after the massive pangs of fear to do with meeting new people and being accepted that it is really that easy to go out on your own and come across as someone that others would want to show any interest in at all let alone be in a relationship with.
 This believe it or not is not a self pity blog as it is more a writing what is currently going through my head. I don't have a any pity for me. Whilst I don't have someone to share my life with I do have some incredibly beautiful guitars in my life that seem in more than one way they seem to be my comfort that would have been there if I had someone to come home to.

I don't really know where else to go with this. I guess its true what people have said about others that spend their time trying to make others laugh. They really are burying and hiding their demons. The demons always get out.

Nonsense

Fx